Yet…
If you think I’m interesting consider what I’ve yet to do.
If you think I’m talented, consider what I have yet to make,
If you think I’m tired, consider what I’ve been through,
And if you think I’m real, consider what would be fake.

I choose not to think of myself as any of those things, good or bad. I’m just me. Spending too much time considering, or worrying about what you think, or how I seem doesn’t get me anywhere. but from time to time things pop up and exceptions need to be made. So Consider all things, and throw out what doesn’t help.

We aren’t one person, we are a house of mirrors seen from all sides. Each person sees a little of themselves in you, each person looks at you through their own experiences, by the light of their life. So no matter what you think you are, they will see you differently. try to be the best you you can be. And leave it at that.

Now tell me, does valentines day really need to be overly done up, or should you be doing little things every day?

This year I am thankful for airbags. And more than anything for the ability to walk away from that crash… All the surgeries, pain, and discomfort are nothing compared to the ability to hold my family close.

Put it this way, if we had picked a different car, it might not have taken the side impact. If we didn’t have 9 inches of ground clearance the other car would have hit me instead of going under us for the most part. If so many little things had been different I might not be able to write this today. So yes aging shoulder surgery sucks, even more so missing work, and being laid up for a month sucked. But by Christmas I’ll be able to take the sling off, and give my family a huge hug. And for all that I’m thankful.

No snark this year just gratitude.

My medical chart, depending on the doctors office I’m in, is usually quite impressive. I’ve had more surgeries than I care to count, I’m tired of explaining my funky bone disease to every X-ray tech on the planet. That would be osteoencondromatosis in the 4th and 5th proximal phalange on each hand… But to be honest surgery never bothered me, until I had kids.

Kids change more than just your day to day life, they add an extra level of responsibility to everything you do, and are involved in. I used to frequent the operating room for tons of different reasons, but since 5 years ago there have only been two. And each time I got a panic attack right before it. I kept thinking, would this be the last time my kids saw their father? Would this be the last family dinner we had together.

Both times I knew enough to not mention these thoughts to my wife, why worry her even more than she already was? But this time I talked about it to her right afterwards, and I saw a sadness in her eyes.

There is more at stake now, there are people counting on me. And it’s terrifying, after I got into the car accident last month, my son had tears in his eyes when he walked in to see me. I’m supposed to be the strong one, supposed to be the provider. And this vulnerability is something I hope doesn’t come back for a good while.

Today is a foggy day here in Philadelphia. On the left you see my normal view of the invasion. On the right is that same invasion today. No less ominous surely, but man alive can that white wall bring you down.

Fog is a funny beast, it makes you think that the world doesn’t exist beyond it’s veil. that by walking through it you can watch world be created, and scenery destroyed as it passes out of view. A floating orb of self, a pathway through your day. Even in this connected world we live in where electronic signals reach out and bring data back from beyond the veil I am quite certain that everything is gone beyond that curtain. Anything else but this tiny little office is a myth. The people who come in from the veil must surely be fake, or plants.

These are the thoughts I think when i have too much time on my hands and coffee in my veins. Every single time we have a foggy day like this the same thought comes back to me, rushing in like the thick walls of clouds pressing in on my brain. Maybe you’ll remember this little vision the next time the world closes in around you.

I want to be fair to anyone who might read this, most of you are losers. I don’t mean that in the nasty sense, but rather in the context of this game. You are all competing for second place, you see I won already, 11 years ago. 11 years ago I asked a certain lady to “go out with me”, and she said “sure”. In fact I haven’t stopped moving since our first date.

Today is the 6th anniversary of the victory lap. 6 years ago today I married someone so different from me in many places, and so alike in all the right ones.  She complimented me in all the areas that I was lacking, and matched up in all of my strengths.

I’m a stone cold geek, I love sci fi, lord of the rings, she hits the dramas and chick flicks. I tell long puns and she hates them. I’m a coffee and beer guy she is tea and martinis. I’m tall, she’s short. Lots of differences, but the journey is fun.

Somewher along the way she became the mother of quite possibly the two coolest kids on the planet.

We work together, at the same company. Have for over 7 years, and some people still don’t put two and two together. We commute an hour each way together, and we love to eat. Hell right now we are even on a diet together. She is winning. I have no tips or tricks to make things work. We just try to work things out as we go, lots of communication.

So you all need to look for the 2nd best girl out there. Because this one is mine. 6 years ago today I married my best friend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Our family started to grow 4 years ago with the addition of Paul Jr, and finally filled out completely just last year with Amber. It sounds sappy, it sounds ridiculous, but holding y two crazy kids in my arms, makes me feel complete. I know its a bit early in life to call this a win, and there are a lot of life left to work at but its going to be fun with this crew.

I think the most surprising part of being a father is sharing my particular brand of humor with the world. Look out people…

There is something special about baseball. Walking around the park with my daughter in my arms or my son on my shoulders we’re building memories. Are they going to remember the horrible 9-0 showing? Not hardly. Will they remember the green grass and crowd roar? Hopefully.

Passing fandom on the the next generation is a special and rewarding game where no one looses

If a Rose Is nothing but a rose, then is a lego rose just as awesome as regular lego?

legos:

Lego Rose.

I find it fascinating how different people take to sleep. For instance my wife who NEEDS at least 8 hours to feel her best, and that 8 usually starts early. Myself, why I need, at least 4 hours of sleep. Just 4 to feel fine and ready to go in the AM. The problem with the second child has been that those 4 have been disjointed since she arrived. 7 Months now and we still get the random middle of the night adventure. And she isn’t even teething yet.

Part of my own personal issue is that I always feel like I’m missing something if I’m not awake and engaged into something. I have to force myself off the grid, away from a book, or away from a Game if I plan on getting any real sleep. I don’t ever have a problem getting to sleep either. If TV is boring enough i might nod off, i just don’t want to sleep. Been that way most of my life too. I can and have pulled All nighters, but they don’t suit me. I figure 20 productive hours is better the an extra 4 at less than optimal performance.

How does anyone else function? Are you a long sleeper or a circulatory hyper miler? Do You Nap? Night owl or Early bird?